It’s sunday night and i was feeling the burdens of this season yet again without the support and refreshment of fellowship with other believers to strengthen my heart. The sense of loss becomes palpable at times…it’s as though i had lost one of the main visible reflections of Christ and can’t seem to recapture the image. All this is true and yet at the time my heart swells with gratitude for all he is doing and has been showing me in the desert. It truly is in the desert where he speaks and feeds the soul.
So…i decided to play some guitar and worship when all was dark and the day was through. A song from Leeland “Beautiful Lord” has been speaking my heart the last few days. Music seems to access all the passion centers of my being and bypass the centers of reason filled with countless excercises laboring over problems that i can’t solve. I found myself pouring out my heart, playing the same 3 chords and just singing my heart to my beautiful saviour. my mind filled with images of the many ways he has sheltered, protected, and cradled me since my childhood in the same way that i hold and treasure my beautiful little baby girls…yet with much greater faithfulness, tenderness, patience, and passion. i became overwhelmed with gratitude and was filled with a sense of peace about our future…an assurance that He is leading us somewhere good…somewhere that will be a testimony of his love and truth that speaks through both the blessing and hardship, joy and pain of our journey. The words just seem to flow and come together naturally from a place of truth and honesty…and i haven’t felt my hunger for God so stirred up in quite a while. I guess the tears streaming down my face were a sign to me of how i’ve needed this kind of access to my heart and emotions…a way to tell God what i long to say and know that He hears and deeply cares. Thank you Jesus for the great lengths you have gone through to convince your children that you care. There truly is no one like you.