Get a Job!

It has become clear over this past weekend that all the networking meetings and evening events in town that I’ve been attending in the attempt to connect with the design industry have been taking a high toll on Kendra. All my attention and focus has been on the struggle to wear a business hat. I help put the kids to bed but then feel compelled to work on developing skills, researching, web development, etc. When midnight rolls around I try to wind down or “escape” with an episode of The Fringe. I wake up pretty groggy as usual and start the whole cycle again. At times like this Kendra carries extra and starts to feel taken advantage of, underappreciated. Things can get emotionally charged with both of us and the kids ended up being in the middle of our arguments all Saturday. It started with Kendra riding Tallie really hard about pouting and managing her expectations. I saw Tallie getting quite distressed feeling like Kendra was misunderstanding her (I know the feeling). Eventually I stepped in and told her it was enough, that her point was made and it needed to settle down. Kendra didn’t agree and kept after Tallie until I snapped and yelled at her to stop (as Tallie fled the room). Kendra stubbornly denied that she was doing anything wrong and that I should leave…I threw the wash cloth I had in my hand at her. All my emotions of feeling misunderstood and chastised by Kendra when she gets tired and emotionally charged surfaced as I saw it happening to Tallie. Sure Tallie needed to address her attitude but something in the way it was being handled flet over the top. And yet Kendra never recognizes how she affects people through her emotions or how strongly they register.

We went back and forth several times later that day trying to work things out. Tallie hates it when we argue, even mildly, and sounded distressed. Caleb ended up hiding in the bathroom cabinet to try to get away from it. Both were scared that we were going to get divorced. It is an awful thing to see the suffering of your children and even worse to know that you are the cause. Oh God, give us the grace and the strength of will not to go there again!

As the post title suggests, I feel it is time now to get a job. I have been resisting this eventuality and holding off as long as possible…but the cost now seems to outweigh the reasons to stay freelance.

List of Biblical Paradoxes

excerpted from “the Gospel According to Moses” by Athol Dickson

Paradox of Fertility – God commands to be fruitful and multiply yet chooses barren women to birth his people…Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel. A nation born of barren wombs.

Paradox of Obedience – Abraham is commanded to sacrifice his son which contradicts God’s command not to commit murder. God condemns the act of building golden calf, a graven image (idol) yet commands them to melt down and fashion cherubim for the ark…also a bronze serpent to look upon. God commands Israelites not to seek revenge then orders them to destroy the Midianites in the name of vengeance. It seems to obey is to disobey at times.

Paradox of the Promise – God promises to “give” Canaan to Abraham but then he must pay dearly for a burial spot for Sarah and later Israelites must fight and die to take it. How could it be considered a gift when it must be bought with gold and lives?

Paradox of Blessing – God promises Abraham that “all peoples on the earth will be blessed through you and your offspring,” yet before entering the promised land he commands Abraham’s offspring to completely destroy the pagan people living there. That’s more of a curse for those people.

Paradox of Omnipresence – God is said to be omnipresent but the Torah is filled with descriptions of him coming and going on earth.

Paradox of the Red Heifer – throughout Mosaic law people must be ceremonially pure before they BRING sacrifices to the temple and priests must be purified before they can OFFER sacrifices at the temple. It’s clear sacrifices are to be made at the altar of the tabernacle only. BUT Numbers 19, the red heifer sacrifices reverses everything. It’s outside the camp, the priests must be purified after it and people are purified as a result of the offering.

Paradox of Justice and Mercy – Torah defines justice as “show no pity. Life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth…” It is an unforgiving standard, yet elsewhere scripture tells us we should “act justly and love mercy”

New Testament paradoxes – p. 69 NT is full of Jesus’ paradoxical statements. Love God with all your heart…but them love your neighbor as you LOVE YOURSELF. They he commands them to HATE father, mother, wife and children, brothers, sisters, even his own life.