I’ve been under tremendous pressure with Kendra this past year. I don’t know why I’m holding out for freelance leads anymore. I just feel tired of the race. A lot of time has passes by since I met with Crush Creative and I know even more time will pass before anyone will act in response to an introduction like the newsletter I developed. I put a lot of work into that promo piece and will use parts of it on my website but the main person there appears to be far too busy to even look at what I’ve developed, let alone give me feedback. And I’m kind of running out of time, which of course is no fault of anyone. It’s just the reality I’m facing of not having time left to get this new initiative off the ground and actually make myself visible to the creative industry in this area. One or two good leads would make a big difference in my current course and help me get a foot in the door. I actually had a lot of interest from Gallo wines for a rush project through 52 Ltd. (talent agency) but they got stalled in the paperwork on their end and the deadline for their project passed. Aaaach. Working with freelancers is kind of new for 52 Ltd. and the contract details needed a bit of time to sort out. Still don’t know if they got it set up for the future or decided not to proceed.
And working with Lee at USBioplastics has been good as we know each other and there’s lots we could do together. But funding isn’t there yet and I really don’t kow what to expect this time around. Communication has been like go go and then silence…no money, no communication, late on things…then go go again. I really need something dependable right now or I just can’t justify this freelance thing. It’s too hard on Kendra and me and affects the whole family. I am feeling confirmed in my heart that I need to make a change this next month and see what other doors God might open. I have asked God to show me this month if I’m to stay in this freelance direction by bringing a new lead my way. If I don’t see any new connection or solid lead by the end of September I need to start getting the word out to look for a job with a company somewhere. There have been so many promising directions and enquiries this past year that have evaporated or stetched on in timeframes without solidifying. Everything from long term potential partnerships to big projects to small projects. I don’t know how much more disappointment I can handle here without succumbing to depression.
The one thing recently that’s holding my head above water is the generous gift of an oven from Shawn and his encouraging prayer and support. I feel like expressing my discouragement to Kendra would only magnify her own fears and concerns and so I have to find strength and belief that we’ll make it through this. As Paul (pappa) said in a newsletter for prayer support to our friends, we need someone like Joshua to hold up our arms in trusting the Lord with peace in our hearts, not succumbing to discouragement or turning to useless escapes.
God, I need real solid steps I can act on. Everything is so uncertain and nebulous right now I just have no idea even what to pursue that might be marketable. Father, hear my prayer, have compassion on me as I find my way and guide my blind steps with a sure and gentle hand.