music is a river through the soul

It’s sunday night and i was feeling the burdens of this season yet again without the support and refreshment of fellowship with other believers to strengthen my heart. The sense of loss becomes palpable at times…it’s as though i had lost one of the main visible reflections of Christ and can’t seem to recapture the image. All this is true and yet at the time my heart swells with gratitude for all he is doing and has been showing me in the desert. It truly is in the desert where he speaks and feeds the soul.

So…i decided to play some guitar and worship when all was dark and the day was through. A song from Leeland “Beautiful Lord” has been speaking my heart the last few days. Music seems to access all the passion centers of my being and bypass the centers of reason filled with countless excercises laboring over problems that i can’t solve. I found myself pouring out my heart, playing the same 3 chords and just singing my heart to my beautiful saviour. my mind filled with images of the many ways he has sheltered, protected, and cradled me since my childhood in the same way that i hold and treasure my beautiful little baby girls…yet with much greater faithfulness, tenderness, patience, and passion. i became overwhelmed with gratitude and was filled with a sense of peace about our future…an assurance that He is leading us somewhere good…somewhere that will be a testimony of his love and truth that speaks through both the blessing and hardship, joy and pain of our journey. The words just seem to flow and come together naturally from a place of truth and honesty…and i haven’t felt my hunger for God so stirred up in quite a while. I guess the tears streaming down my face were a sign to me of how i’ve needed this kind of access to my heart and emotions…a way to tell God what i long to say and know that He hears and deeply cares. Thank you Jesus for the great lengths you have gone through to convince your children that you care. There truly is no one like you.

Tallie’s quirky sayings


at the breakfast table i’m feeding Karina, Tallie comes out with,”I know why we need bones. If we didn’t have bones we’d be all floppy and squishy…that’s why we need bones.”

apr 25 – Tallie’s smothering baby Caitlyn with love and says,”she’s sooooo cute, I could just throw up.”

Aug 31 – she says to me in the kitchen, “I know why all little kids want to grow up.” I say, “Why’s that?”
“because then they can have their own pets.” I tell her that it’s fun to be grown up but it’s a lot more work too. Being a kid is a lot of fun without a lot of work (at least my kids). She says, “when i grow up i’m going to marry a farmer.” Odd it seems to me, i try not to laugh…”why’s that?” “Because then i won’t have to pay for a horse.” aaah, now we have the point of it all.

Tallie gets overworked

the other day Kendra asks Tallie to get a hair band from the bathroom so she can finish doing her hair. Tallie thinks this an opportune time to pose the question, “why do i have to do all the work around here?”

What a clear portrayal of the ignorance of many of our petty complaints in the face of God’s service towards us. It is his joy to bless us and give generously to us but much of that joy is destroyed when we fuss about the small part he may ask us to play. That small part is meant to draw us into His own “joy of giving”. To become more like Him is our ultimate joy…I hope i can remember that the next time the crabby cloud settles on me.

Caleb “sacrifices Jesus”

Yesterday we went to my parents church and the kids went to sunday school. they gave an invitation to the kids to receive Jesus and Caleb and Tallie both went up.  You’d think we’d be excited about it…turns out Kendra (my wife) was a bit upset that they would do something that huge without letting parents know what was going on. I can see her point, especially if that was the first time kids had made this decision. She had a discussion with them about this. It’s important to take care with these matters of the heart. Both our kids have already received Christ and we talk to him together quite regularly…so in our case i could accept there may be some value in them wanting to do it again in a more public context. but with them being so young i’d want to know how it was handled and what kind of effect “group pressure” may have had. Kendra felt a bit like something precious was taken out of her hands.

when Caleb came back from SS he told Kendra “I sacrificed Jesus.” At least we had a good laugh in the midst of it.